


misbehaving

by vindicatedtruth (behindtintedglass)



Series: falling in love (with conversations) [3]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 17:46:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17228501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/behindtintedglass/pseuds/vindicatedtruth
Summary: Having had too much to drink on an away mission, Kirk drunk-dials Spock. A very confusing conversation follows.





	misbehaving

 

 

“ _Spooooooock._ ”

“… Good evening, Captain. I trust that the celebrations at Risa are going well?”

“Tell me again, why am I down here while you’re up there?”

“Because Starfleet needed a representative for the renewal of diplomatic relations at Risa, and the Enterprise needed one of its commanding officers to stay on board to maintain and monitor operations.”

“Couldn’t we have just left Scotty in charge?”

“I am… quite apprehensive about giving Lieutenant Commander Scott absolute authority for such an extended period.”

“What, you think he’s gonna destroy the Enterprise?”

“On the contrary, Captain—I believe he’ll develop warp factor nine if we allow him free reign at this point, and I would very much like to stay in this dimension for now.”

“Well who knows, you might meet Admiral Kirk that way. Wait no, scratch that, you’re better off _not_ meeting him.”

“Indeed, Captain? And why is that?”

“Because I really, _really_ don’t wanna have my own _self_ as competition, that would be _weeeeeeird.”_

“… Captain, how much did you have to drink?”

“Eh, I lost count after the eleventh goblet.”

“ _Eleven_ , Captain?”

“Oh don’t you use that tone on me, _mother_ , Bones has his hyposprays ready in case I drink too much.”

“I see. And where is Doctor McCoy now?”

“Given that I’m currently hiding from him, I’ve no idea. Those hyposprays _hurt_!”

“Jim.”

“ _Yeaaaaaaah_ Spock?”

“What did you mean when you said Admiral Kirk might be your competition?”

“I already have a lot to live up to! Living in my Dad’s shadow had been bad enough—the great hero of the USS Kelvin and all that—but then _the older you_ had to tell stories of how _his_ Kirk had been the greatest Starfleet Captain who had ever lived! I mean, how the hell do I compete with _that_?”

“That is hyperbole Jim, and you should note that my older self is undoubtedly biased in that observation.”

“Ouch. I’m _hurt_ Spock, you think I’m not a good Captain?”

“… That is not what I meant, Jim. And you did not answer my question.”

“What was the question again?”

“What competition are you referring to?”

“Oh. You know. You’re single, right?”

“I am not.”

“What—you—are you _dating_ someone?”

“I do not see how it is possible for me to ‘date’, as I have been married for two point five years.”

“ _What_? Why wasn’t I informed?!”

“… I believe you were present for the entire ceremony, Jim.”

“I _was_? Damn, I really must’ve had a lot to drink, why can’t I remember? Oh well. Is she hot, at least?”

“… If by ‘hot’ you mean aesthetically pleasing, then yes. He is indeed beautiful.”

“Wait, _he_? You have a _husband_?!”

“Yes. As you yourself are pansexual, I did not expect for you to have an issue with the gender of my mate.”

“No, no, that’s not—it’s just— _damn_ Spock. Your husband’s so damn lucky to have you.”

“Is that what you believe, Captain? I confess I often wonder if I deserve him, as I bring more trials and tribulations in his life when he instead deserves peace.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, Spock? If he makes you feel like you’re not enough, than maybe _he’s_ the one who doesn’t deserve _you_.”

“… Ah. My insecurities are my own responsibility to work on, and he is not obligated to relieve them.”

“Yeah, well. He’s not doing a very good job of being a husband if you’re still questioning your worth.”

“On the contrary. Knowing him has finally made me feel like I… belong.”

“Yeah? Belong where?”

“In the universe.”

“… What?”

“Since I had been a child, I had often wondered if it had been better had I not existed. It would have saved my parents a great deal of grief from the prejudice they both had to face due to my conception and my birth. As for myself, I did not find acceptance from my peers in either Vulcan or Earth. It is only in finally knowing him—my husband—that I have finally found my place in the universe.”

“Yeah? And where’s that?”

“By his side. As if I have always been there. And always shall be.”

“… He’s a really, really lucky man, Spock. Er, Vulcan. _Is_ he Vulcan?”

“No, Jim. He is very much human.”

“No way. _Really_? Isn’t he, you know… too _emotional_?”

“He is most illogical, yes.”

“Wow. Does he get on your nerves?”

“Always.”

“Geez, Spock, he doesn’t sound like much of a catch. Does he have _any_ redeeming qualities?”

“He is the bravest and kindest man I know. Stubborn to a fault when he is fighting for what he believes in. He has a keen intellect that is often overlooked due to his charming personality, and he has remarkable instincts that often make him headstrong and impulsive. Yet he has never led anyone astray, and he always places the lives of other beings above himself. He is a true leader in his own right, and he has my admiration and respect as well as my loyalty.”

“Wow. He sounds amazing, Spock. So is he like… a diplomat?”

“Of a sort, yes.”

“Where is he now?”

“He is currently attending to his duties.”

“You’re not worried?

“About what, Jim?”

“That he’d… you know. Cheat?”

“He does, in fact, cheat all the time.”

“ _What?!_ ”

“He is not precisely a follower of rules if he believes they are abusive and unjust, especially to beings who are marginalised and oppressed.”

“What, _no_ , that’s not—what I meant to say was, is he loyal to you too?

“Ah. You are speaking of infidelity.”

“Yeah I just… wanna make sure he treats you right, you know? Do you get to be together at least? I hope he’s only around ugly sexless creatures when he’s away.”

“We are often apart for extended periods due to our respective duties. And ninety two percent of the time he is the most attractive being in the room, so he is always surrounded by beings of every gender who are sexually attracted to him.”

“Yikes. Also, that percentage can’t be true if you’re in the room.”

“I… fail to follow the logic. Please clarify.”

“I mean… Jesus, Spock, are you really gonna make me say it?”

“I assure you, Jim, I do not know what you are talking about.”

“Fine. You’re the hottest man… person… _being_ that I know. Heck, the only way this husband of yours can be _more_ attractive than you is if he’s like… Adonis, or something.”

“That is, in fact, quite an apt analogy.”

“Oh god, what am I doing, what the _fuck_ am I doing—”

“Jim? Is something the matter?”

“ _I’m flirting with a married man_.”

“… That is indeed what you seem to be doing, Jim. Also, you are very, very drunk.”

“Oh god I hope your husband doesn’t kill me—please tell me he’s at least a weak and puny man so I can run for my life—”

“Perhaps it is noteworthy to mention that he is also one of the most adept fighters I have ever had the fortune to train with.”

“ _Jesus_ I’m a dead man.”

“I am also quite certain he is most forgiving.”

“No, Spock, if he knew—if he fucking _knew_ how I feel for you, how much I fucking _want_ you and can’t fucking live a _day_ without you, he won’t let me get anywhere near you if he really wants the best for you.”

“Jim, I—”

“ _Jim_! There you are, I’ve been looking all over for—what the _hell_ , why are you _crying_?”

“ _Booooones_ , Bones, help me, it _hurts_ —”

“What, are you injured? Why are you holding your—do you have heartburn or something? What the hell did you eat at the festival?”

“I’m _heartbroken,_ Bones. Spock just broke my _heart_.”

“What? You green-blooded hobgoblin—what did you say to him?”

“I assure you, Doctor, I have been nothing but forthcoming and truthful to him.”

“ _Bones,_ Spock got himself _married._ ”

“Well… yeah. So?”

“ _So_? Vulcans mate for _life_ , Bones!”

“Yeah, so I’ve heard. Repeatedly.”

“Which means I got no chance in _hell_ with him at all now! I was _too late_ , because I was _too stupid_ to make a move and now I  _lost_ him Bones _—_ Bones, help me, it  _hurts_ Bonesieeee, _Boooooones—!”_

“… Leonard, did you just—inject Jim with a tranquiliser?”

“Yeah well, don’t get all grumpy on _me_ , he was starting to make a scene, and the Risians are looking at us funny. Guess I gotta haul his ass back to his bedroom now, the heavy deadweight. You gotta tell him to lay off the desserts once in a while. And Spock?”

“Yes, Leonard?”

“When were you gonna tell Jim you got married to _him_?”

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this fun and sweet song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0q_yVdSWN8).


End file.
